Underwear: Less Is More (Editorial)

UNDERWEAR: LESS IS MORE

The idea of going out of the house with no underwear on goes against the sacred message multitudes of mothers have lovingly yelled at their children for eons, "Put on clean underwear.  What if you are in an accident?"

Yet, today's fashion rules are that there are no rules. Stars are seen on the Red Carpet Events without under-gear, bits and pieces flying freely, or flagrantly using undergarments as outer-garments. Would you be so bold? Perhaps you've gotten so used to wearing underwear that you wouldn't even consider why anyone would go "un-holstered"?  The do-you-or-don't-you mystery can be a provocative question to answer and the answer is now more pragmatic than previously considered.  If "clothes make the man", then what does "free-balling" say about him?

Here are some general observations about an "underwear-less society":

1.  You Look Better Without It.  Tight clothes show the bumps and bulges underwear makes.  Without those unsightly curves, you tend to look more fit. You don't want a gown's silhouette ruined by panty lines and bra lumps.  How often do women have to go to great lengths to try to hide their bra's straps?  What is so ugly about the body that it must be contorted into constraint?  When was having underwear sticking up above the top of your pants a fashion statement?

2. It Feels Better.  "Free-balling" allows for some walking around room, some ventilation, some sitting down space without smashing the junk.  Anyone who says clothes are too scratchy without underwear are fools for buying scratchy clothes in the first place. What are you wearing -- wool trousers of the eighteen-hundreds?  It's also easier to get to private parts should the need arise without the hindrances underwear produces.

3.  It's Easier To Dress Without It.  Trying to shove boxers (what amounts to shorts) into long pants is difficult as the boxers bunch up.  Underwear is a waste of time and money -- just from the buying, storage and maintaining aspects alone. You only truly need to cover a small percentage of your body to pass the legal requirements, the rest is overkill.

4. Where's Mom?  Most people don't actually know the appropriate size of underwear to get. They are still attached to the size, brand, and patterns of the underwear they had a children, the ones Mom bought them for Christmas. Grow up and put away your childish ideas. Underwear, therefore, according to this writer, is akin to adult diapers and not mature, practical enough to bother with or sexy.

5.  Myth: Underwear Is More Hygienic. The argument that underwear somehow keeps you cleaner (such as after going to the bathroom) than not wearing underwear doesn't add up.  What's the difference between skid marks in underwear or in pants?  If you are "dirty", take a shower. Or change your clothes as needed.  Another myth is that you need "support". What "support" really means is "confinement" and the only reason for that is in your misguided, uneducated, ignorant-of-the-truth mind. People lived just fine for millions of years without "support". 

6. Commando Is Healthier. Underwear (especially tightie-whities) insulate the crotch, creating a raise in temperature.  The scrotum hangs away from the body for purposes of cooling and underwear smashes the scrotum against the body.  This can lower sperm count, trap moisture and bacteria that leads to rashes and jock itch. Wearing underwear does not save you from diseases like cancer or "droopy body parts" that come with aging.  The Naked Sage believes, facts be known, underwear's constant compressing of the body could possible be a reason for several medical symptoms such as cancer, bladder infections and constipation, to name a few.

7.  You See What You Get.  Instead f being afraid of people being able to see the outline of your genitals and you pretend you don't have anything between your legs, do the opposite.  Teach body acceptance by proudly displaying your package.  Think of it as a way of advertising. Either people will like what they see or they won't care and look away.  You can enjoy being enjoyed by others -- for he same basic reasoning of personal grooming.

8. What About Wardrobe Malfunctions?  The fear of falling out of your halter top, a shameful bout with a peek-a-boo butt-crack, or a more-than-obvious arousal tent-pitching cause many people to want to strap anything that moves down with layers of gadgets.  Get over the shame and get on with life.  If something happens such as you bend over and your pants split, have a sense of humor and deal with it like an adult.  It will happen to each of us at some point, whether we're wrapped like a mummy or not.

9. Underwear Is Antiquated.  As swimwear has evolved from covering the whole body down to dental floss, so has underwear.  BVDs are big business and part of the reason is manufacturers are making you want a product you really don't need. Who wears a girdle any more?  No one.  Hippies burned bras for a reason.  Why the insistence on wearing a form of sexual repression? 

There are only a handful of legitimate reasons to own underwear: 1) You need to throw on something lightweight in summer's heat to go outside the house to do a chore and you don't want to be harassed by cops, 2) You have up-tight visitors where you live that you can't be naked in front of and skivvies are the next best thing to shorts, 3) It's sub-freezing and you need another layer of clothing to keep the family jewels as warm as possible.

The reality is most of us are wearing underwear we wouldn't want to be caught dead in -- as in an accident situation.  The stained, threadbare, holey and the awful graphic designs that are most underwear's condition deserves to never be seen again under any circumstance.  Take them off and throw them away.